Tuesday, March 18, 2008

At Least This Politician Knows His Place

Florida State Senator Victor Crist is sponsoring groundbreaking legislation that promises to wipe out a large percentage of the crap in Florida. His far reaching bill seeks to shed light on the johns in the state. He wants to be certain that all restaurants provide enough squares to each patron utilizing their facility. For once, a politician is not only looking out for his own backside, but the backsides of all his constituency. Senator Crist is not taking the waste problem sitting down.

Or maybe he is.

You see, Senator Crist is sponsoring legislation that would mandate that all eating establishments have "enough" toilet paper in their restrooms. One must wonder how to quantify "enough." Does this measurement hinge on the type of food provided? I would assume that eating like a rabbit would produce rabbit like turds and so therefore, "enough" would be very different for a vegetarian establishment than an assplosion inducing Tex-Mex eat-porium. A colon-pounder with cheese would have different requirements than a tofurkey.

Seriously folks, haven't the politicians gone far enough? Do we really need them in our bathrooms? Sure they might be far more qualified to wipe your ass than pen legislation, but aren't we paying them to actually do something? When we asked them to clean up the shit, we didn't mean it literally.

I will admit frustration and even embarrassment at finding myself at the tail end of a roll with no relief in sight. Never once have I asked in that situation, "What the gubment gonna do?" (I never use such poor grammar in speaking to myself anyway.) Maybe that just means I really am a Conservative. I really believe that politicians have no place in my bathroom. It's kind of a private area, and I would like to keep it that way.

And so if Senator Crist would really like to make a difference, he should get his nose out of the shit and deal with the real assholes.

1 comment:

Michael said...

I don't give a crap about his legislation, but your post is the shit! That's about all I've got, and I'm wiped...