Thursday, September 27, 2007

Family-Part 2

There have been so many ups and downs with this whole thing. I just don't know how to feel. I'm very upset and either crying or near tears most of the time. I don't want to lose GrandDad, but it would be horribly selfish to want him to keep going in his current condition. I don't even want that in my most selfish inner self. It's so painful to watch him suffer like that. I trust that God is in control and has the absolute best outcome laid out for this. I really do. But I have to say that this emotional roller coaster is torture on all of us. I know that often we have to fall down completely before we can accept that God is picking us up and carrying us through.

I think that old footprints poem that so many people have hung in their homes is missing something. At least in the case of someone as stubborn and hard headed as I am. In mine, there includes marks of limping and crawling and trying claw ahead on my own and then the mark left by my body in a heap before I just let God pick me up and carry me through. Either that, or there is some kind of big stick that he used to knock me out laying on the side of the path. But that's because I'm stubborn and really do think that I can do it most of the time. I'm proven wrong regularly. I'm just too thick headed to get the idea.

God, I give up. I can't do it. Please carry me.

We got the biopsy results today. He has lung cancer. The doctor gave him 2 months to live provided there are no further complications. He said there were no treatment options given his weakened state. He said to give him whatever he wants. If he asks for a hamburger, the instructions are to try and let him eat it.

So I guess that's it. I'm glad we know that he's going home. I'm really going to miss him. I can't put into words how much.

4 comments:

miu said...

Honey, I am so sorry. But it seems to be his time to go. I hope he can leave in peace and surrounded by his loved ones.

ppearson said...

Jennifer, I am so sorry to hear about your granddad. I have been through this with my father and I know what a long difficult road you have in front of you. Please tell your family that there continue to be prayers for all of you. The only thing you can do is cling to each other for mutual support and don't leave anything unsaid. Tell each other how much you love each other, tell your granddad of your love for him and talk about the times you spent together. If you need a prayer partner and a dry shoulder, I am happy to be there for you. ~ ppearson

Evyl Robot Michael said...

Baby, you know that I'm there with you, and always will be. I know that there's nothing that I can do to make it better, but I just want you to know that you are not at it alone. This whole thing has been so brutally bittersweet, and it is starting to look like the end will fit the progression. As we said last night, Granddad will get better, one way or another. It looks like he's going to soon get the Ultimate Cure, and I have to admit that I envy him in a way. Because, as it says in Revelation 21:4, "And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away." (KJV) I love you, baby. I'm so sorry.

Rubia in the UK - from TDK said...

Oh Jennifer, I'm so sorry to hear of the biopsy results. It must be so hard to have to resign yourself to the ineveitable. But, at least you know - AND you have the time and opportunity to say goodbye and do whatever you can to make the time your grandfather has left here on earth as happy as possible. Take this time to rejoice in all the love you all feel for each other and then know that your Grandfather's last days were the best that they could possibly be. As ppearson says, tell each other how much you love each other and rejoice in all the happy times. And in the meantime, we are all there for you. rubia underscore uk at yahoo.com. Love - Rubia