Sunday, February 17, 2008

Dear Sunny Part 2

Dear Sunny,
Emerson wanted you to see his classy side. Although he is tough and knows how to use his claws when needed, he is also able to host a diplomatic state dinner.
Emerson knows that you are reviewing applications for the right running mate and feels it is important that you understand what kind of cat he is.
Emerson is very concerned with the economy. He lives within his means. He has a nice three tier cat tree with two catnip balls. Although he would have been approved for the full cat-castle with hammocks, ropes, and multiple towers, he didn't get it because he understood that interest rates will change and he would soon be over his head. Therefore, he does not feel compelled to bail out the selfish morons that can't understand basic economics. If they need to sell their castle and move into a kitty condo, tough. They will have learned their lesson and won't make the same mistake next time.
Emerson and I have spent a lot of time discussing the entitlement crisis that exists in our society. It is just in kitteh's (and doggies) nature to take the treat when it is offered. He admits that he has even accepted treats that he did not earn. His proposed solution is to return charity to the private sector. Those that have earned their treats will then have the option of sharing them with those less fortunate. But if they choose to keep their tuna (or pork) all for themselves, they have that right as well. In this way, citizens can choose what charities they want to support. If they want to hand their surplus treats out freely with no questions asked, they have that right. But if they want to only support charities that are working to return the less fortunate to the work force and thus tax paying citizens, they have that right as well. A capitalist nation has no responsibility to feed those that do not work. The government is not in the business of charity.
After discussing health-care at length with Emerson, he reminded me that he would still prefer to never, ever ride in the vomit inducing vehicle only to be poked with something sharp while they tell him what a good kitteh he is. He did remind me that it is a far better experience when it is his turn than with the interloper. He did state that some changes should be made. First of all, the price of a medical procedure should be the same whether you come in to pay for it in cash or if it will be paid by your insurance company. This would allow people (and wage earing dogs and cats) to use personal savings as their own medical insurance. Also, insurance companies should be able to compete across state lines. In this way, the free market will naturally regulate the rates without costing tax payers.
Since Ferrule was mentioned, Emerson felt he must tell you more about the brat. Since it is apparent that he has been granted amnesty by the home owners, he felt it was necessary that he learn the rules of the house. And these rules must be enforced. As evidence of the training and enforcement given to Ferrule, Emerson submits this picture of Ferrule pooping in the toilet.
No, he does not flush as he is too easily entertained by the swirling water and the humans don't want to pay for that.
Emerson would like to invite Sunny to have a drink with him and discuss matters further.
Sunny/Emerson '08

PS. Emerson does not believe that our souls are broken.

7 comments:

instinct said...

Mr. Emerson! Mr. Emerson! Instinct here from the TDK Gazette.

Was it your intention, sir, to give Sunny that open slight by showing an Amnesty cat "doing his business" in the toilet and then asking Sunny to have a drink knowing full well that all dogs like to drink from the toilet?

Do you think Sunny will take this as a humorous aside? Since you were unable to stop one interloper, how are you going to stop all of them??

Hey.. get yer hands off of me... I'm with the press, dang it....

Jennifer said...

Wait. That's a valid question. Let him go. I need to answer that question. Don't tase him!

CastoCreations said...

Oh ... My .... GAWD.

Does the interloper actually do that?!?!?!?!!? Does he give lessons? I have two cats (not to mention three dogs) who I'd LOVE to train. :)

Instinct...they're just taking you to the nice padded room. Smile and nod. Smile and nod.

Jennifer said...

Both of them do actually. Toilet training a cat is a process. I really should devote an entry just to that

instinct said...

An entry to it? I think you could do a whole series on it.

Man those tasers pack a punch.

Rachel Lucas said...

OhmyGOD I love the cat on the crapper. Why can't my dogs do that?

Love it.

Ladyshambles said...

You're fucking joking with the cat on the toilet.

Sweet Jesus. Next you'll be saying canaries can burp the alphabet to order.